


Problem Solved

by gala_apples



Category: Grimm (TV)
Genre: Bisexuality, Blow Jobs, Object Insertion, Open Relationships, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-05
Updated: 2014-01-05
Packaged: 2018-01-07 15:42:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1121625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gala_apples/pseuds/gala_apples
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the same set of problems that have caused each of Hank's divorces. He may have found a solution that isn't celibacy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Problem Solved

By the time Hank is divorcing his third wife he’s figure out the problem set. Call him stupid for not recognising it until then, but what can he do? The problems don’t look like problems to him until Sharon and Jane and Louise are asking for a trial separation, and then it’s a little late.

Problem one: partner means partner.

Nick isn’t Hank’s co-worker. They’re not soccer coaches, or zookeepers, or telemarketers. They’re police officers and that’s a career that doesn’t lend itself to mere co-workers. When a guy saves you from getting your forehead sliced open by a thrown bottle you don’t just walk that off at the end of a shift. 

Jane never understood why Hank wanted Nick to come over for poker or Sunday brunch, because ‘you see him at work, don’t you?’. When they divorced she took the house and commented, rather snarkily, that he could just sleep at the office, because it was where he spent the most time anyway.

Problem two: relationships should be spicy.

Hank’s not the kind of married man that demands sex once a night. He doesn’t care how often he has it. He just wants it to be intense when he does. It’s not always spanking and handcuffs. Sometimes Hank wants to eat a woman out after sucking on ice and watch her flesh react to the temperature disparity. Sometimes he wants to focus entirely on her, to the point of wearing a cock cage. Sometimes he semi-illegally pops Viagra so he can orgasm until he’s coming dry, half painful. 

According to Sharon spice is fun but all paprika all the time is bad for the stomach. When they divorced, Hank might have mailed her an entire crate of vanilla extract he bought from a wholesale place.

Problem three: coming out after you get married is bad timing.

Hank’s bisexual. Always has been, always will be. Even when he has a streak of one particular gender of one night stands he knows at some point the other gender will catch his eye again. Hank doesn’t bring it up on the first date because he doesn’t see the point. First dates are for relevant information, like favourite genres of music, and do you drink wine with dinner, not _if I break up with you I might date a woman next_. But it always comes up eventually and no one never seems to listen to _it doesn’t matter if guys are hot, you’re my wife_. They ignorantly assume that he’ll cheat with someone of the same sex. Like he couldn’t have cheated with someone of the opposite sex the whole time they didn’t know.

Louise handed him the papers the week after he got that Christmas card from Thomas. Hank still can't say if it was genuine holiday spirit or pure cattiness that made Thomas send a picture of himself and his newly legal husband to all his exes, just knows that his Facebook profile was deleted for TOS issues after he unleashed his fury on the WIlliamsons family page.

Problem four: that’s not to say his dream bedroom situation isn’t a man and a woman at once.

Two men being a very close second. Two women being another very close second. Hank might have a thing for threesomes. It’s not altogether a problem four, it’s sort of a subproblem of both two and three. Either it’s way too kinky, or it’s an indicator of a pathological need to cheat. Either way, no one approves.

What all his marriage problems boil down to is that Hank’s been single a while. Since Adalind. Who, if you want to be generous, at least knew how to make lovemaking intense. His singlehood is going to stay indeterminately longer. Until Hank can find someone to date who won’t care about at least two of his four relationship problems, it’s better to not even go there.

At least that’s what he thinks up until he suddenly loses his mind with jealousy. Nick and Juliette are spending too much time with Rosalee and Monroe. Hank gets being friends; Monroe’s got a great dry humor and Rosalee’s kind. Hank gets being research buddies; they both know wesen culture he doesn’t. But the way the four act together is way more than that. If they were one person, if it was Nickette and Rosaroe, it would be instantly clear they were courting. Hank doesn’t want Rosaroe to get Nickette. He wants that. It solves all his relationship problems in one move. Yes, it’s a completely lateral move, but still.

Hank’s at their house when he snaps. He’s not sure why. There hasn’t been a trigger for it. He hasn’t even seen Monroe in three days. He’s just sitting comfortably, nearly full bottle of beer in hand, when the words come out of his mouth. “I’d like to throw my hat in the ring. I don’t know if you’ve moved past flirting, if I’m overstepping my boundaries. But if it’s possible to think about it, do.”

“Flirting? What?”

Hank understands the reaction and decides to clarify. “Rosalee and Monroe. It’s easy to see. But if I’d known that you have an open relationship I would have asked you two out on a date months ago. So this is just me putting my name in the hat.”

Juliette doesn’t deny it. Instead she smiles, pinks lips wide on her pale face. “We have a date planned for Friday, actually.”

“Skip it.” Hank’s not begging. He’s _not_. He just wants this, enough that his tone might be a little rough.

“Trade one for each for having to share? What do you think, Juliette?”

She turns her smile on Nick. “I think if we’re passing up something certainly good for something new we should go all the way and make it adventurous. Trade a kink or two for a kink or two.”

Hank agrees readily. After all, that’s problem two solved. “Sure. What’s yours?”

“You ever read a book called Larry for President?”

“Can’t say I have,” Hank replies, on the edge of confused. It doesn’t sound like dirty erotica like 50 Shades. But what does he know? Reading the evening away isn’t on his top ten list of activities.

“It’s about this teenager who refuses to own more than seventy five things,” Nick explains. “If he gets something new he’ll give something away.”

“A constant state of downsizing,” Juliette adds.

“Juliette and I have always liked the idea of only having useful things. But when you own a house it’s impossible to downsize to seventy five. So we made a deal. If it’s somehow useful for sex, we keep it. If it’s not...”

Hank’s first instinct is to scan the room they’re sitting in. There are a lot of objects in the living room, and it’s doing his head in a bit to imagine Nick’s ballsack on all of them. “Is that...”

“What, sanitary?” Juliette asks. There’s a note of admonition in her voice, like she’s disappointed Hank thought he had to ask. “We wash everything we use, and it’s not like there are babies or pets around putting things in their mouths.”

Five minutes later Hank’s naked in Nick and Juliette’s bedroom, scouting for something. He doesn’t think they’ll count the bed, even though it clearly counts for sex, as in having it on. He’s still not quite sure he gets it, but he hasn’t met a sexual experience he hasn’t liked.

In the end he decides to go for an more obvious choice. Despite their imaginative examples downstairs, Hank’s really not sure what to do with a lamp. Phallic objects, on the other hand, don’t require much creativity. Sitting with all of Juliette’s makeup is a blush applicator. The rose coloured handle is wide, maybe close to an inch. It’s not quite the fat dick Hank wants, but Nick can’t be in two places at once and they’ve already negotiated for deep throating. 

Juliette grins when she sees him pick the brush up. She unfolds from the bed, leaving Nick still sitting. By the time she’s beside him she has bottle of upscale lube in hand. Hank’s neck goes weak and his head droops when Juliette slides a wet finger in his crack. He’s never really noticed how short and well groomed her nails are before. He can’t help but wonder if it’s because she and Nick do this all the time. That’s incredibly hot, if it’s true.

She only preps him with one finger before asking “pass me your plug?”

Nick groans out loud at that. Hank has a feeling he has a thing for dirty talk. Fine with Hank. He’s not the best at speaking it, but he won’t get embarrassed if Juliette fills the night with it.

Hank misses sucking dick more than it makes sense to. He thinks it’s the same with anything people enjoy. If you like something and you can’t reexperience it, it turns better and better in your mind, until it’s the best thing you’ve ever had. But now he’s got it again. Nick’s standing in front of him, nude and muscled, erect and trembling slightly. It’s a prelude to everything Hank wants, and getting Nick’s cock in his mouth is like a fountain for a parched man. 

“I love watching you do this,” Juliette groans. 

Hank doesn’t let himself think about how many times in the past Juliette's seen Nick get sucked off. That way lies jealousy, and while a little was useful in getting himself off his ass, too much and he’s going to be a possessive creep. Hank closes his eyes and opens his throat and goes to town on Nick’s cock. If Nick and Juliette like the way he performs tonight, that’s all that really matters.

It takes a minute for Hank to notice, drowning in the bliss of finally sucking cock, that Nick’s hands aren’t in Hank’s hair, trying to pull it out by the root. Neither are they on Hank’s shoulders, the polite man’s controlling position. Nick’s not touching him at all. It’s weird enough that Hank opens his eyes to suss out the situation. 

Nick’s not touching Hank because he’s touching his girlfriend. Nick’s arms are stretched out behind him, one as low as the angle will let him, one higher. Hank can’t see a lot more than that, but wherever they’ve landed on Juliette, she seems to like them. Hank keeps the hand on Nick’s thigh in place, but moves the other from the base of Nick’s cock to Juliette's hip. He’s okay with potentially choking on dick to make Juliette feel more included. In fact, that seems like the best possible thing to do. It’s been a long while since his eyes have watered from dicksucking.

Juliette comes grinding on whatever Nick’s hands are doing. Hank’s expecting her to continue moving her hips; practically all the women he’s known have prolonged sex with multiple orgasms. Either Juliette’ incapable, or she’s not interested, because once she’s done cursing up a blue streak she steps away. Nick doesn’t fish an arm back to pull her back in. He must be used to the disengagement. 

Hank only has a few seconds to wonder about Juliette being multi-orgasmic, and wonder if he could ask about it or if that’s going too far. Then Juliette's kneeling beside him. It’s instantly clear her goal is getting them off as wickedly fast as possible. Her fingers curled around Hank’s she guides him to Nick’s balls. Hank’s been keeping clear because his are sensitive enough to be painful during sex, but Nick must like the feeling.

“Just take it, pretty boy,” Juliette says. 

Nick’s entire body rolls with a shudder and Hank knows he’s close. He’s fine with coming last. In fact, it’s probably threesome manners that the interloper orgasms last. But then Hank sees stars and his thoughts blur. Juliette's palm is on the bristles of the makeup brush, rocking it deeper into him. It’s not getting his prostate, which would be nice, but what it is doing is almost as good. It’s stretching him open. Hank’s being fucked at both ends, neither meant for his pleasure as much as to let others play, and somehow that’s what’s getting him off the most. 

It’s the taste of spunk on his tongue that triggers the inner landslide in Hank. As he comes, somewhere between his own torso and Nick’s ankle and the hardwood floor, Juliette rips the brush from him. The sudden movement is much like pulling anal beads out, intense and fireworking.

Nick graciously stands still so Hank can slump against his thigh for a moment to catch his breath. Then he neatly pushes Hank’s head towards Juliette, who’s sitting on the floor now. Hank’s face lightly mashes into Juliette's shoulder, his neck still not quite working. Juliette doesn’t seem to mind, she just bends her arm to scratch his sweaty scalp. A second later there’s a thud signifying Nick landing beside them. Juliette and Nick reach for each other’s hands. Hank can’t help but think that if those fingers one day have rings, it probably won’t end in ruin. Call him a romantic.

“Is this something you’d consider doing more than once?” Maybe Hank’s pressing his luck a little, but he doesn’t care. After an experience like that he’d like to see anyone keep their composure. No matter how coolly and calmly you negotiate sex beforehand, things always feel different afterwards.

Juliette's reply is pleasing. “Oh, for sure! Anyone who has the ability to remember we’re a couple first can join us for as many occasions as there’s time for.”

Hank grins, now emotionally sated as well as physically. This isn’t a one time event. He’s actually finally getting something close to what he wanted. Life is good.


End file.
